the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
