First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
