I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
