I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
