as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize