We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
