becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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