Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
