Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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