How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
