he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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