dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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