I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
