How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
