Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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