I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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