Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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