He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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