I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
