I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
