She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
