Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
