There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
