then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
