this just has baby written all over it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
