Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
