His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
