hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
