He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
