He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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