well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this will be a night to untag.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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