So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
