I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
