i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
