Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
