SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
