I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
