And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
