I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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