Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
