we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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