sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This toilet bowl is my home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
