From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize