I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
