ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
