"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
