there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize