so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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