I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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