I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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