Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize