I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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