Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize