"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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