Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
