dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize