sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
