I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
