i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
