He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want a musical about memes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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