Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
