I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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