thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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