My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
