Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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