I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We're too hungover to prance.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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