At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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