Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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