hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
