dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize