threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
